Living Your Dreams

From time to time Mr. B and I will pull out the box of conversation questions he gave me while we were dating. This time he wanted to play with a twist. In the past we'd always sat in bed and asked each other the questions back and forth late into the evening, but this time we were to ask the question, wait for the other person to think of their answer, and then guess what the other's answer would be. It was very insightful to say the least. :) I learned a lot about how Mr. B saw me, but I also learned a lot about myself that evening.

Several of the questions focused on my goals for the future--a subject I have little clarity on at the moment. Mr. B nailed one of the answers I thought he'd never get. He knew at heart I want to be a photographer. And after years of looking up photography classes, and even registering and canceling multiple times, he simply said, "do it." The next day I signed up for a class. IT. WAS. AWESOME.

See the close background?

Now see how the background is far away? 

Yeah, I did that.

I'm still not sure I have all the answers for my future and career yet, but photography is definitely an option. Thanks for the support Mr. B.

Celebrating "Labor" on Labor Day Weekend?

It's a good thing I haven't kept a very good blog over the past year, cause I'm sure more than half of the venting posts would have been directed straight toward my job, or more specifically my boss.

And no body wants to hear that. (**If you thought "Nope, sure don't," stop reading now. :)

But last night, after a nice Labor Day weekend, I cried myself to sleep because I knew I'd have to go back to work the next day. (Pathetic, I know.) And those tears only led to bad dreams about work all night.

Because I work for the LDS church and have a pretty cool job (by some people's standards), whenever anyone asks how I like what I do I always put on a face and "love it."

NOT TRUE.

There you have it. I've turned this post into a confession post.

On paper my job is great. Working with my used-to-be-boss-but-is-now-my-"team lead"-whatever-that-means?!-she-totally-thinks-she-controls-me... not as great as it looks on paper.

Ok. I guess it's not the job, just the boss. I like what I do, just not who I do it with.

I talk about quitting all the time, but I won't cause I'm addicted to my paycheck.

UGH. (the very non-silent kind.)

In addition to threats about quitting (mostly to myself and sometimes to my husband), I also laugh at the power I have to set a very firm 9-month quitting deadline...

Yeah, no. Not right now. But I SO could.


Pregnancy = escape from one job + oh yeah, new job as Mom.

...Yeah, no. Not right now.

Someone please rescue me with a million dollars so I can have my freedom back!! Think of it as paying my ransom and saving a life. PuLEEEEEz!

No? Guess I'll have to work tomorrow. At least Thursday is payday.

My Favorite Time of the Year

I LOVE autumn!!

After record heat this summer, September 1st is finally here! And it feels amazing outside.

I couldn't help myself but take a morning bike ride around the neighborhoods. Mr. B settled in on the couch to watch Game Day, and the crisp, fresh air beckoned me outside.

It was almost cold enough for a jacket, but I loved the chilled feeling of the rushing wind on my face.

I hope this beautiful weather hangs around for awhile.

#Iwantmyhusbandback

I hate Twitter.

I hate how my husband is obsessed with his phone because of it.

I hate how his obsession has increased now that it's football season.


My siblings at my wedding
(a bit staged for the camera :)

Dinner with Mr. B

Mr. B made these DELICIOUS Caesar Wraps for dinner

while I put together these smoothies of strawberries, bananas, white peaches, and mango.

Dinner at the Bulloughs.

Bon appetit!

SURPRISE! ...We're Going to NY!

 We arrived at the airport at 10:30pm, ready for our redeye flight to Indianapolis, Indiana. (Unbeknownst to me, there is no redeye flight to Indianapolis!) 

Then Mr. B handed me this binder. It's an itinerary for my birthday. 

We're going to New York City, baby!
Don't judge this pic too harshly. It was SUPER late, and I was SUPER tired. 
But no rest for me! Flight through the night, play the next day!!!!

We stayed in a hotel just off the Brooklyn Bridge. Love.

Just after spending a leisurely morning walking the bridge, we planned to wander Chinatown and Little Italy. The weather had a different plan. At first we thought the drizzle was nice, but then the skies opened up and poured BUCKETS of water on us. 

We managed to hide out in this awesome pizza place under the bridge. 

Grimaldi's Pizzeria!

I'd wanted to get pizza there back when I lived in NY, but ran out of time before moving. 

I crave this pizza all the time! SOOOOOO yummy.

Of course, Times Square.

And WICKED!!!!!!!!!!

My dad was in upstate NY doing research for his job. That lovely rainstorm that sent us to Grimaldi's kept his plane grounded, so he got to spend a night on the town with us!

This is one of my favorite parts of the city. Shake Shack. 

SOOOO GOOOOD!

 Sharing some tunes on the subway.

Sadly, our NY trip was far too short. But I'm sure we'll go back again and again throughout the years.

And the reason we went to New York... Sister Bullough!

Trying to find someone in the JFK airport who doesn't know you are coming and doesn't have a cellphone is SO hard. 

Mr. B and I ran back and forth from one end of the airport to the other for two hours. We were so blessed to find her! 

It was so fun to hear about her mission, and see the cool pieces of Russia she brought back with her. 

Back in Indiana we spent time with Sister Caroline, and her family detoxed Russia from her with a strong dose of the Indiana State Farm.

When Mr. B and I got home, for the first time I was able to tell him that I missed his family. It's taken some time for me to get to know them and for them to get to know me. For the first time I truly felt loved for my differences. I'm sure our relationships will only grow stronger over the years.

 I'm already ready for another adventure!

I Guess You Can Read About My Life

Truth be told, no one reads this blog. I've intentionally kept it private and ultimately abandoned my old blog-of-many-years just so I could have an outlet to say whatever I want without offending anyone.

I don't want to be forced to filter for your sake. Sorry, but I did begin this with "truth be told." And if we are talking truth here, the truth is that I don't want to be forced to write like 99% of the blogosphere where all posts are carefully drafted to increase popularity. I write for me, not you.

Lately I've been considering a change--not to start filtering and stop potentially offending, but to start opening the blog and continue potentially offending.

So, hello big wide world!

Welcome to my mundane life.

Here's the update for those who already know me (and know that I don't post on Facebook or Twitter) and here's the intro for those who don't.

I'm still working as the American Sign Language supervisor at LDS Church HQ. It's been a rough 18 months working for a corporate/religious setting. And more specifically, it's been a roller coaster in Hell working for my boss. But I've also learned a lot about ASL, managing, myself, and a myriad of other things. Plus it pays well, and we all know that's more important than personal happiness. NOT! One day I'll quit. Just not today. I really believe I was meant to work in my position. Actually, I firmly believe that. And until those feelings change, I will continue to push through the sticky mess that is red tape and continue taking sufficient ibuprofin to keep me from killing someone.

Mr. B is still working as a sports broadcaster for BYUtv. He love his job, but it doesn't quit pay the bills (another reason I don't walk out on my job).

In more recent news, my husband surprised me with a trip to NYC for my birthday! And my sister-in-law came home from her mission. More on that in a few days.

Welcome to my secret, potentially offensive blog. Come again... if you feel like it.


Written for Meagen since she keeps asking me for a blog update. :)

Sweaty Men in Tight Pants

...smacking butts and chasing balls. 

It's FOOTBALL season! (Well, almost.)

There's the hubby while in college. He's the quintessential sports fanatic.  I like to call him a "professional sports fan" as he's managed to make a career out of his love of sweaty men throwing around various kinds of balls. (Football, basketball, volleyball, baseball--he loves it all.)

And while I love him so much, I have yet to adopt this deep passion of his.

Football practices begin this Thursday. It makes me shutter a bit inside because I become husband-less with the passing of summer season into f(ootb)all season.

It's time for me to buck up and make some cookie dough so I can watch more sports in support of Mr. B! I'm so glad that he's one of the lucky ones who actually gets to work a job doing something he loves. And he's SO good at it too! Knock 'um dead, babe!

The Green Smoothie Thing

 My mom has really gotten on a health kick lately, and I've wanted to be more healthy for a long time so it's only influenced me all the more to make some changes in my diet and exercise. If you haven't seen the movies Forks over Knives and Fat and Nearly Dead, my mother said they changed her life.

If there is one thing I've learned during my first year of marriage, it's that nagging doesn't encourage change, it only causes frustration. If you really want to enforce change in the lifestyle of your marriage, you have to focus on the aspects you have control over.

Let me explain. My dear, sweet husband doesn't always watch what he eats or how often he eats out. But I learned that if I have a meal ready or at least in process when he gets home, he won't suggest we  eat out and he'll eat whatever I put in front of him. So what a great opportunity to solve the extra spending and unhealthful eating from restaurants and junk food by simply preparing a cheaper and more healthful meal! Something I have complete control over without nagging. And not only do we avoid the contention of me potentially picking at his habits, but he's so much happier to walk into the aroma of a home-cooked meal.

But tasty, low calorie dinners are not easy! So to take my new diet to the next level, I'm trying out the green smoothie crazy.

Bananas, strawberries, and kale. 

Sure is green.

It really didn't taste too bad. The bananas and strawberries definitely took over the flavor, but the kale didn't smooth up too well, and the flakes were very noticeable in the texture. 

I'm sure I didn't drink enough, because I was still STARVING. I'm obviously addicted to the act of eating, so I'm not sure I"m ready for a 10 smoothie fast (which is what I wanted to try), but even adding a few more fruits and veggie in the diet could be a really good thing.

I'll keep you posted on whether or not I keep this going.

What a Beautiful Concert!

Pioneer Day went magnificently well!

Watch all of my hard work on the ASL version of the concert here!

Why Are People So Bad?

We saw the new Batman movie today. It was good.

But I couldn't stop myself from looking down the row and around the theater and at the subtle outlined glow of the exit door and think of the shooting.

I'm teaching the 12-13 year old girls in my church tomorrow about avoiding temptation. Each of their faces travelled through my thoughts one at a time, and I felt helpless as a teacher, leader, and friend to truly help them avoid all of the evils that seem to constantly surround and suffocate us. I thought of my family and my future children.

How do we protect our loved ones from such a wicked and perverse world?

As I watched all of the dark scenes in the movie and thought of all the terrible things in the world, I made myself sick. I know I can't save the world, but I felt so hopeless, so helpless to even save my little group of girls who are struggling.

All I can do is keep trying--trying to keep myself unspotted from the world, and trying to stand as a shield for as many around me as I possibly can.

God bless the families of this violent crime and the many others that happen daily.

Pioneer Day Concert

Work has been crazy lately!

We're gearing up for this year's Pioneer Day Concert, and with so many songs, translation has a lot of work ahead of them.

For those of you who don't know, I'm an American Sign Language (ASL) interpreter and translator supervisor for the LDS church. So that means I'm responsible for the entire ASL version of this production.

I'm really excited for this show. The ASL translations are looking good, and if we can just survive the craziness over the next week, we just might pull this thing off.

I'm {Not} Dying

Mr. B took me to the doctor. Looks like I'm gonna be okay.

I still have a nasty bruise on my knee, and the doctor said no more running for a month, but he also said there shouldn't be any permanent damage.

It's going to be hard to get back into things after I take such a long break. But hopefully everything does heal up well, and there will be no more worries.

I'm a Worrier

At the end of last week I hurt my knee. I’m still not quite sure how it all happened. I think it was a combination of substantially increasing my daily running length and playing a rough game of King of the Bed with Mr. B. (He shows no mercy!)

Regardless of the exact “how” at this point, all that I can think of now is that it hurts and deep bruises have appeared down the side of my knee.

I’m a worrier by nature, and this case is no different. My mind quickly jumped to all worst-case scenarios. And while searching about potential causes online, following one link to another, I’d concluded I have cancer and will die soon.

I know: rash. But in my moment of pain it seemed so plausible!

I sent my husband a panicked text, “What if I have cancer?”

“You don’t have cancer.”

“Maybe."

“No.”

“How do you know?”

“Stop worrying.”

I guess that’s the end of that; according to my husband, no cancer.

I’m sure he’s right, but I’m still worried about what permanent damage I may have caused my knee!

Until we can get in to see a doctor I’ve become close friends with ice and ibuprofen, and no more monkeys playing King of the Bed!

I'm as Red as a Lobster :(

Mr. B and I went to the USA vs. Canada women's soccer match at Rio Tinto Stadium!

So fun!

But now I'm sorely recovering from a serious sunburn. Next time I'll try not to be an idiot and remember some sunscreen.

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

Speeding Through Life

While riding on the bus this week, the man sitting next to me on the window seat needed to exit the bus before me. When he said, "The next stop is my stop," I immediately started gathering my belongings to move out of his way. But after seeing me snap to attention he said, "Hey, slow down! Take it easy in life. ...Now, if there's a fire, you run. Other than that, slow down and enjoy life."

He had no idea how profound such a simple comment was to me.

Only a few people know this, but here goes....

AH! I got TWO speeding tickets on our drive home from Indiana.

I've never gotten a speeding ticket in my life. I admit, I bawled. But it was totally my fault. And on top of that, in between the two tickets I accidentally merged off I-80 and took us on a three hour detour through Denver.

OUCH!

But come on! Doesn't that scream SPEED! to you?!

It was awful. I don't ever want to make that drive again! After the two tickets, I can definitely say flying would be so much better. ...and at my rate, maybe even cheaper!

Needless to say, I've been slowing down a bit these days.

"We are all like tractors."

"We are all like tractors."

At least that's what Grandpa Bill (Mr. B's Grandfather on his mother's side) told me as we stared out from the porch of his old farm home across the vista of his hundreds of acres of corn, soy beans and tobacco.

“Oh?” I replied. Afraid to say any more in fear of bringing his drifting thoughts back to reality and losing the moment.

“We can go along with the plow of our tractor up, idling and doing no good at all, or we can put our plow to the ground and work.”

There is something simple and yet profound about wisdom shared between tired breaths from someone with muddy boots and callused and cracked hands. He is an example of work, and as such did not pontificate or chastise, he merely made an observation and his character spoke as the teacher.

Then pointing to a particular field of corn, he recounted a story of when one of his sons had sprayed 20 acres of the field with chemical that hadn't been mixed properly. He got teary-eyed as he reminisced.

"He didn't put enough chemical in the 20 acres of corn. I showed him how and set him lose, and all that work for nothing! I was so mad, and he was gonna get it. But then I remembered, I've done dumb things too. [tears] Back in the day I ran the machine to plant corn. I drove 15 acres without planting a thing."

In one afternoon he taught me the importance of work and forgiveness.

We're Just Different, That's All

I've heard the phrase "we're just too different" as an excuse for why two people couldn't get along.

In my mind I seem to repeat that phrase over and over while socializing with my in-laws and their relatives. TOO different. Not a challenge that's easily overcome. And yet it seems my life depends on doing just that right now.

My husband loves his family so much, as he should, and I love my own family. Isn't it only natural then that the one person we love more than anything else, our spouse, should love our family just as much as we do and us theirs? Why is it then that the universe seems fixed on making this the most difficult task ever attempted.

I love my husband + he loves his family = I am trying to do everything in my power to develop a relationship with people I've sudden found myself related to.

To clarify, my in-laws are great people. Really. I mean, they did raise my wonderful husband.

But we're just too different.

The scary thing is that when all of my insecurities are bubbling up during the in-law socials, I begin to question why my husband loves me and why I love him. How could he love someone who doesn't fit into his family? Someone who is just so different?

Every time I meet someone from his younger years they say, "We never thought he'd marry a girl like you!" I think they mean it as a compliment, but I always find myself feeling a little twinge of uncertainty, as though we're not a match for each other or something ridiculous like that.

After moments of insecurities or uncertainties, when I find a quiet spot alone, I often close my eyes real tight, try to relax enough to breathe again by listening to our song on repeat, and I think of the millions of times where I've melted with love in his arms and questioned not whether we're a match, but how I ever lived without him.

We were made for each other. Regardless of the fact that our families are so different, they made us who we are which brought us together.

He loves his family + he loves me more than anything else in the world + I love him more than anything else in the universe = He's all that matters to me, and I'll do anything that will make him happy.

Besides, I do have my secret weapon. The moment I have kids is the moment I develop a true shared interest with my husband's parents. Until then, I will continue doing my best to smile... even though I may have nothing to say.

We're in Indiana!

So the whole "say only nice things on this blog" may not work.

I've stared at empty posts for days trying to come up with something brilliant to write, and after a fully terrible-no-good-very-bad-day I feel like I have something to say. Let the venting begin.

Me, Mr. B, and my sister Camilla are in the middle of our two week road trip to Indiana and Chicago to visit Mr. B's folks and have some adventures. My sister has a "kinda" boyfriend here, so I guess we're here to see him too.

It's actually been a pretty good trip thus far. And I say "actually" because I am a bit surprised. I'm still not completely myself around the in-laws. Not because they are horrible people, just because I don't have much of a relationship with them yet. So everything they talk about feels so foreign to me and I tend to recoil into my protective shell. Basically I shut down.

But thanks to a bit more water under the bridge, a wonderful husband, and the company of my sister, I've been able to be mostly myself this trip.

Hopefully things will only get better with time.

Hey, I managed to keep the grumbling to a minimum. Hopefully HAPPY THOUGHTS from here on out.

Road Trip!

My sister graduated from high school {congrats!}, and as her graduation present she asked us to take her on a road trip to...........Indiana....... 

Yippee, Camilla!

Mr. B and I took turns driving the 30 HOURS!

...Camilla slept.

Indiana, here we come!

Memorial Day

This past weekend Mr. B and I watched the movie Pearl Harbor. I can't believe I've never seen it before. Last December we were at Pearl Harbor on the 70th anniversary of the attack. I'd had some profound emotional experiences while there, feeling very connected to the brave soldiers who fought, many to their death, at that landmark. But something very powerful grabbed my chest and held my breath while watching the movie. Having just been there only 6 months ago, watching the scenes play out in our quiet little living room made the entire experience come alive to me.

I cried. Or rather, I sobbed. For hours. Mr. B became very concerned.


I felt the weight of the world's injustices bearing down on my heart. I ached for each of those men and women, and then I ached for the men and women fighting around the world right now. And then I ached for the poor and the suffering and the lonely. And my heart broke.

I know that seems pretty dramatic. I've never in my life responded to a movie like that, but it all felt so very real. I've been giving a lot of thought as of late to all of the sadness and pain around the world, so watching a depiction of war and death seemed to offer a culminating capstone for my thoughts, pushing the tears over the edge.

God bless America. God bless the soldiers serving to protect our freedoms. And God bless the poor. And the suffering. And the lonely.

"It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."
- Abraham Lincoln

Beginning with Audible UGHs

myhouseismessy.mybossisreallygettingundermyskin.blowdryingmyhairissuchawasteoftimeandihatethatihavetodoiteveryday.wehavenoacanditisgettingreallyhotoutside.thereisneverenoughmoney.thereisneverenoughtime.ihatedecidingwhatisfordinner.iamtired.workisboring.iamnotasgoodasiwouldliketobeateverythingthatilove.myclothesareoldandoutofstyle.myheadisthrobbingatthetemples.whydoessugartastesogoodifitissobadforyouiamsickofwork.walmartlinesonasaturday.oranytimeforthatmatter.ihateitwhensomeonegetspickedon.orleftout.ormadefunof.ihatewhenlifejustisnotfair.carproblems.laundry.thatbellyfat.myfeetarecold.gettingstuckintrafficafteralongdayatwork.whycantpeoplelearnhowtocommunicate.whatisfordinnertonight.dontjustkeeppickingatyournailswhilesittingrightnexttome.getanailclipper.thedishesnevergoaway.myneighborsjudgeme.ijudgethemback.thehusbandcantreadmymine.iwastesomuchtime.myskinisdry.imselfish.tryingtodeveloparelationshipwiththeinlaws.waitingforthebusinthecold.tvremotebatteriesdied.canijustquitmyjob.happinessissofleeting.everyoneisbetterthaniam.badhairday.forgottotakealunchtowork.didntknowitwassupposedtorainatthesametimeihavetoruninandoutofabillionstores.myeyewontstoptwitching.mybedspreadisdirty.ihaveareallybadmemory.howdidwespendallthatmoney.becomingarunnerishard.myfeetsmell.thestorageroomneedstobecleanedout.ihavetogobacktoworktomorrow.somethingscratchedthekitchentable.wereoutoftoiletpaper.mrbhasacold.billsareexpensive.whycantpeopleparenttheirchildrenproperly.

There. I believe I've UGHed everything I need to. {If complaints are necessary, I may add them here...we'll see how long this post grows over the years.}

Sometimes my mouth pours out negativity like an open faucet without an off switch. Venting, complaining and criticizing. Who likes to hear all UGHs?

I'm on a quest to explore things that are beautiful, to take the time to be silent, and to keep a few UGHs to myself. Who knows, if I stop saying them out loud, maybe they'll go away altogether.

Mr. and Mrs. B.

From the first day of kindergarten I knew I had a choice--correct the pronunciation of my name or not. And decades later, same deal. 

My last name (maiden name) was easily readable from the class roll so no problems there, but my first name not so much. 

Honestly, I felt that made me unique, special. And since I've been married, I've legally accepted a last name pronunciation problem too. 

Bullough

Go ahead, take your best guess at first look. How would you say it?

Bulloff, Bulla, Bylow, even Bullock (where'd they get the "k" from?...)

I've heard all possible pronunciations in the short time I've been married to the wonderful Mr. B.

It's Bull-O.

Like Jell-o.

Like "bull" as in the animal and then "o" as in "dough."

Like "bowl" where you eat your favorite cereal... like a CheeriO.

Like B. and U. and L. L. O.

....the "ugh" is silent.